Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Let there be rock

UPS delivered my spiffy new electronic drum kit this afternoon! Hopefully it won't take too long to assemble, as I'd like to be rocking the hell out sooner rather than later. I'll be sure to document the occasion for posterity.

Friday, October 24, 2008


My greatest fear in life is that some art of mine will end up on Photoshop Disasters and a picture of me will end up on Hot Chicks With Douchebags.

This is what keeps me up at night.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

bring the noise

I just ordered a fancy electronic drum kit. RAWK! I can't wait for that sucker to arrive. I'm going to keep my arms from getting too weak & lay down some funky ass beats at the same time. I may also lay down some dope beats & heavy beats. Possibly even a break beat will make a guest appearance once I figure out 5/4 time.

I used to play guitar & harmonica at the same time, so I'll have to learn simultaneous harmonica & drums. I'm sure it's possible.

In other news, I've heard from 2 more dudes with Monomelic Amyotrophy this week (what's up Ian & Tony!) Which brings the total number of MMA cases I've heard of to eight. I even have a follower of this blog now, so I feel motivated to be funny... or at least spell check this thing.

I created a Facebook group called "People with Monomelic Amyotrophy (MMA)" which thus far only has two members. If you have MMA, quit reading this blog and get your gimpy ass on Facebook. We'll upload photos & share stories and figure out what our similarities are. Lord knows the medical & pharmaceutical industries aren't going to help us out. There just isn't enough money to be made from 8 guys who have trouble tying shoes & opening jars.

Monday, October 20, 2008


I freakin' LOVE the game Rock Band! I played it for the first time this weekend (on an x-box 360 console & 46" HD TV) while visiting friends in Iowa City.

I've played Guitar Hero before, but always managed to suck it up. Even when my left hand still worked OK, and I was still playing guitar, I couldn't get beyond the medium level without getting booed off the stage.

With rock band I tried playing the bass lefty on Easy & got booed off the stage in under a minute. I could finger the notes, but couldn't hit the strum bar at the right time. So I tried singing & held my own on Medium. Not bad.

My first attempt on the Drums resulted in 80% on easy for the Weezer song "Say it Ain't So". I moved up to Medium & scored an 88%. Better. I moved up to Hard & scored another 88%.

How did I rock the drums with a gimpy hand, you ask? Rubber bands. Check it:

After a break for dinner & several hoppy refreshing beverages, my "bandmates" and I went for broke on expert level. (Incidentally, I decided our band name should be the "Gutter Sluts") On attempt number 5 or 6, we finally made it through "Say it Ain't So" on the Expert level. Behold our bitchin' score:

Awww, yeah! 85% on expert after less than 3 hours of playing. Granted, this is one of the easier songs. I tried drumming to a difficult one & bombed out after 30 seconds.

I looked around online for stories about people using Rock Band for physical rehab, but couldn't find any. I worked my arm all evening without even realizing I was doing it! There is definitely a drum kit in my future. I think I'll get one of those electronic ones that uses headphones. I'm sure Marney & the cats will appreciate it.

Of course, I couldn't have rocked without my band mates.

Hopefully we'll get in a world tour before the usual drug & groupie-fueled lifestyle tears us apart, only to reunite on VH-1 in 20 years. I'm guessing talented guitar god Matt will be the one who says "It used to be about the music, man!" while Dr. Andrew will get all the chicks as lead singer. That leaves me with booze, pills, or heroin... or a combination of the three. It's going to be a wild ride.

Friday, October 17, 2008


I love winning stuff.

After the Chicago triathlon, I didn't stick around for awards. I didn't have a particularly good race, we had to check out of the hotel, and I didn't know if there were PC division awards. Also, I was in a bad mood because the bike course was a disaster with potholes & pavement cracks everywhere. My forearms hurt from bunny hopping holes in the aero position. Ever bunny hop while traveling 23mph and steering with your elbows? It's scary.

Anyhoo, I received a FedEx package this week which contained my Chicago awards(I finished 2nd in the PC division). Second place was good enough for a big ass silver medal, a TYR duffel bag, silicone swim cap, and goggles. Far out! I'd have hung out for the awards if I knew I had goodies coming.

Chicago will have to make some changes before I race there again. 9000 people is way too many for that course to support. If the cut the field to 4000 or less, completely resurfaced the bike course & changed it from 2 laps to 1, I'd go back.

Racing a debacle like that makes me realize how good we have it in Minnesota. From June-August there are 2 or 3 races every weekend. The big ones like Lifetime are just as well run as small races like Lake Minnetonka. We've got it good.

Monday, October 6, 2008


Welcome to Coldsville. Population: me.

Yesterday I had a big fat Did Not Finish at the Twin Cities Marathon. Everything was going well through mile five. I was right on pace, ticking of 7:20 miles. Then the light mist turned in to a light rain. My left arm got cold. Really cold. By mile 7, the light rain was a regulation downpour. By mile 8, my left arm was totally numb & totally useless. It just hung lifelessly for the rest of the race.

Mile 9 as the last time I grabbed a drink. Despite wearing warm gloves, my right hand got too cold to function. I fumbled for a GU, but couldn't pull open the tiny velcro closure on my shorts pocket. I tried grabbing water at miles 11 & 13, but couldn't hold on to a cup.

At 35th Ave I figured I could continue for 2.5 miles & hop off the course at a medical tent, or turn around & run 2.5 miles home. Continuing meant getting wrapped in a space blanket & waiting for the sag wagon to take me to the finish. Going home meant hopping in a hot shower and calling Marney so she wouldn't stick around the finish waiting for me. Easy call.

So, I ended up running 17 miles & change in 2 hours & change. At least I'll recover quickly & be on the bike or roller skis quickly. Next time it rains in a race, I'll have to wear some neoprene kayaking gloves or something. That or duct tape little chemical hand warmers to both sides of my thumb.