Showing posts with label snowball fight. Show all posts
Showing posts with label snowball fight. Show all posts

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

snowball fight - with video!

It finally went down between me and the little neighbor kid. He really wasn't thinking clearly when he challenged me to a snowball fight last September. He had no idea what kind of merciless beatdown was heading his way. None.

Challenging me to a snowball fight is like opening the gates of hell and calling Satan a fairy. Its like stepping between a mother grizzly bear and her cub - only the mother bear has a bazooka that fires snowballs and the baby bear is actually another mother bear that is pissed off and hungry.

Here's video Marney shot of the snowball fight. You'll want to make some popcorn and dim the lights before viewing - 'cause this is epic.

video

Boom! I bring the pain in a snowball fight.

I removed the sound so you didn't have to listen to the wind screams of the child as he begged for mercy. Most people wouldn't pelt a kid while he tried to crawl to safety. Fortunately, I'm not most people. I'm a stone cold snowball warrior.

Did you notice a snowball hit me in the ass at the 11 second mark? That was thrown by the kid's mom. Sorry, junior, but your mom can't help you win.

I may have won the battle, but not the war. There's another month of winter ahead of us. I'm sure he'll start another snowball fight.

And I'll be ready to rain down icy doom.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

snow time is go time

We had a bit of wet snow overnight here in Minneapolis. That means I was able to make some practice snowballs this morning before heading to work.

If you're new to this blog, some neighbor kids challenged me to a snowball fight last summer. Just for fun, I'm taking it seriously.

Making practice snowballs in the basement is good prep, but it can't compare to the real thing. I didn't take in to account how slippery a snowy surface will be. I'll have to start practicing in wool socks on waxed linoleum.

As for the little punks across the street, they don't appear to be practicing at all. I should be able to take them down quickly. Man, I can't wait to pelt their adorable little heads with several pounds of packed snow.

Monday, September 29, 2008

snowball fight preparations

I got duped last night. The six year old neighbor who recently challenged me to a snowball fight stopped by. He said he was selling x-mas wreaths for his cub scout troop.

But that's pure BS. The kid was doing recon.

I gotta say, I'm impressed. He was even wearing a little cub scout uniform. I need to do some background... find out if there really is a troop 120 in Minneapolis. I doubt it. I don't yet know what intel he was after. I'm guessing he was looking for evidence of my basement snowball practice range.

Good thing I had the electrician come in the middle of the night to wire a 240 volt connection for my new industrial shaved ice maker. The jig would have been up if the kid caught wind of that.

I noticed him "pet the cats" before he left. Nice try, junior. I know you were really checking that pair of gloves by the door to see if they were wet from packing practice snowballs.

Like I'd leave my snowball gloves by the front door. Amateur.

It's so freakin' on this winter.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

if its war they want, its war they'll get

A funny thing happened after a run earlier this week. A 6 year old challenged me to a snowball fight. Seriously.

I was stretching in front of the house after an hour long run. It was 80 degrees. The kid across the street said "Hi Colin." and then layed this on me;

"This winter we're going to have a snowball fight, and its going to be my house against your house. So you better get ready."

Then his three year old sister pipes up with "We're having a snowball fight and you better be ready."

Damn right I'll get ready. Those little punks are going down!

The three year old has a twin brother, so they easily out number me. I'm guessing Marney won't assist me in crushing the neighbor kids - so I'm on my own. Six small hands can prepare ammo faster than my hand & a half. Ever try making a snowball one-handed? It ain't easy.

What I lack in numbers, I can make up for in range. Six year olds can't chuck a snowball more than 20 feet, and there's at least 25 feet of road between us. I have the additional advantage of controlling the high ground. Our front yard is a good 3 or 4 vertical feet above the neighbors. My plan is to prepare a bunch of snowballs in advance, then lob them at the kids artillery style.

I'll need to take the six year old out first, he's the tactician. The twins don't have much snowball fight experience. The kid's main weakness is his eyesight. He wears glasses, so a few direct hits to the face will knock off his specs, or at least make them difficult to see through. With their commander unable to give orders, the twins will be easy targets.

You may think pelting children with snowballs is mean. Well they started it. I'll do my best to only knock out their baby teeth.

I'm going to set up some sort of snowball range in the basement. I need to work on my accuracy. Three year old kids have tiny heads which are hard to peg from a distance. I might even hire a pitching coach.

Those kids won't know what hit 'em.